back in '95, i was intro'd to J by a good friend, C. we became real close that i wld forget my good friend at times. i wld finish work at 5.30pm but wld wait for J to finish work at 10.30pm at yaohan orchard (now known as plaza singapura) @ guardian. she was doing part-time there - during the day she's a child care teacher. so we wld head back to bishan, have a late dinner and juz hang out under her block till abt 2am. wld take the cab back and get trashed by my late dad for coming home late but i'll always give work as an excuse - this would happened every tues and thurs.
then one day we attended a dinner and dance by some community we were actively involved - a ballroom filled with indians. so we were liked a couple or thats wat she made it seemed to everyone else. she wld hug me tight, lean on me and act all mushy mushy. when i offered to dance with her, she looked at me shock amazement - wat wld the older folks think of us. n she happily went off to danced with some other guys; leaving all the uncles and aunties from other tables, looking at me with that 'isnt she yr girlfriend' kinda look. right, she isn't offically my gf so i had no right to tell her off. when everything was over, the four of us - C & J & another guy friend and me, spent the night at my good friend's place. no people, we didnt have any mass orgy. just remembered my good friend doing a slow dance with her crush and it was really beautiful.
anyways, the next morning, whilst sending J in a cab back home, i asked her if we could take a step further, and be serious abt each other. that's when she told me that she was still very much in love with her bf - she's just waiting for him to come back from his studies. so that was it, i told her the guy she was looking for was long gone one day ... the calls soon died after that. i remember crying in my workplace when no one was around. fast forward to yrs later, i met another girl but it ended the same way. her bf was in the army and i was a fill in whenever her bf was away. it doesn't end there, she still expects a ring, dress n shoes every month. i ended it there and then. a friend told me that i shld have at least bang them - looking back now i wonder why was i so naive. sigh...
back to the future, it just the same story all over again. of all the things i've said and done, it just meant nothing to you. words are easier said than meant. yes, i made u and many other girls realise that nice guys do exist but that's abt it. no more will i be a believer of love and everything that surrounds it. being used and trashed one too many times isn't my idea of a relationship nor friendship. girls still prefer the bad boys that wld provide them with wild sex, drugs & the rock n rolls of life!! so why be the nice guy when it's so much more fun being the bad guy. it's better to be burn in hell, than to fade away!!
