Monday, August 15, 2005

emptiness amidst the joy

had a fun day out ytd although i was kinda zombified. had only one hr of sleep ytd, before heading out to meet the rest of the choir mates. jen wanted me to come along so i could have an idea of how the choir and musicians would sound like on the day itself. during the journey there, i got myself occupied by jp's story. something that she wrote and it was like ten pages double sided but didnt get to finish it though. we got off at orchard and took the free shuttle service to great world city and alas we were at st. bern's church. good thing they had the prac at the parish hall, as the main church had no aircon and the weather was not too kind ytd. the parish hall was like soundproof, with a minimal equipment set. unfortunately the rest of the musicians were not there, but nonetheless, at least i could have a brief idea of how the choir wld sound like. the place had a great acoustics and everything sounded so full. the challenge here would be to emulate the sound in our own parish as the acoustics in our own church sucks big time. i heard that they would be hiring a proffessional soundman on that day and they are gonna have the works. man! a good gauge to see where i stand or how good i am. a time to learn and re-learn. the last time i was involved in something big, was 'shoes of the stranger', a musical play by a.c.t.s in '98. it was really an eye opener and i really enjoyed myself. at this point i would give a shout to melvin, "yo, dude, u got that vcd working? we can show it to the choir"

well, after the choir prac, we went for to the nearest hawker center for a late lunch. in btwn having lunch and having a conversation, the younger gals were like moving from table to table to avoid a small bee. at tis point, i got introduce to 'm.v.p' nope its not 'most valuable player ' but 'murderer, victim, police' game. best played with five or more people, the more the merrier. the rules were explained by hatsuee but since the hawker center was not a good place we decided to head back home first. since begin new to this game i watched the others play while waiting for the shuttle service at great world city. it carried on in the shuttle bus to the mrt. melvin bumped into joanne sandhu and she joined in the game. so there they were standing in the circle, the murderer killing off everybody silently while the police race against time to catch him. julia, jp and me, stood one corner and watch the others play. soon khatib came, hatsuee and sandhu had to go off, julia n me joined in the game, but with only a stop away we decided to carry on a burger king. so there we were, in btwn dinner and convesations, we were playing mvp. puden, i must say, improved in the short time, so did melissa. its funny how puden n melissa always had the role of the murderer and they really killed off everyone silently. when gab became the murderer, it was very easy to spot, he wld be quiet. chris on the other hand, was always the usual suspect hence why i was afraid to look at him always, hahahaha. but sigh, the least expected one stole the night away, pudentiana. i will get my revenge soon! hahahahahaaa.....

well, all good things had to come to an end. i retired early only to be awaken an hr later. something awoke me but i was still half asleep. as i facing the wall, i felt something coming up behind me, there even a sharp pain behind my back. i tried to move but it seems that my whole body was still asleep. i could hear my eldest sis and brothers voice behind me, so i called out, "is there anybody out there" as i felt really empty inside but i could not get the words out. finally i awoke, but i had this strong sense of emptiness inside me. at that instance too, i missed my eldest sis n bros and the house felt so empty even though my mom was asleep. went online, but there was no one on msn, wanted to blog it down ytd but soon the feelings left and everything was fine. tiredness took over me once again and i slept peacefully this time. thinking back i wasn't sure why i called out "is there anybody out there?' when instead i should be calling out for my mom, something we wld all do when we're in this kind of situation. at that time, i felt really empty inside, like as if i was all alone in this world. could it be something that i would face in the future? only god knows...

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